First up, God of Thunder and bearded Norse charmer: Thor.
Yes! Quake in fear at the glorious Thor! We found Thor to be dateable!
You see, Thor is basically a Viking God- he has ultimate cosmic powers and controls freaking lightning and he has a crazy big hammer, Mjolnir. Imagine the kind of stuff you could do on dates... fly around the world…. Lightning show…even try to lift his hammer… try on his cape…
Harnessing the power of lightning for your simple amusement...
However on the other hand, this means Thor has the potential to be a royal pain, so to speak. He can be extremely arrogant, I mean he is a GOD, so he thinks he's entitled to some stuff... like how he completely disregarded what his dad told him and decided to ruin the already shaky truce with the Frost Giants and hurtled the Asgardians into another war… that was kinda sucky of him. And if he is willing to disobey his FATHER- ODIN, man, he isn’t going to be afraid of you, either! What if he tries to make you fight him on your dates, or God forbid, LEAVE YOU to go start something with someone/thing that is just trying to do their do!? He can get kinda pushy with the “I am the God of Thunder” stuff, so that can be a turn off.
Another downside to being an Asgardian is that he has Mead Hall Manners (yes, I just made up that phrase…). He comes from a place where they eat in Mead Halls, so he’ll be loud and ill-mannered at dinner- not because he hates you or anything, but that’s just how they do in his home! Smashing cups, throwing food, drinking yourself silly, and probably not using utensils….EVER. It could be fun… until you want to try eating out for a change (you got tired of cleaning the mashed potatoes off the wall of your apartment…). Then, you are just asking for trouble, unless you find a place that allows all of that…which would be kind of awesome…
Anyways, what you may not know about our lovely Viking is that after he was banished to Earth, he was sentenced to share a body with some dude named Donald Blake. So if Thor ever needed to …like...go to the store to buy mini frosted donuts, he would just bust out of Blake and get his miniature, holed pastries on! And guess what? His alter-ego, Blake, was a doctor! And doctors are always nice to have around! They can make you feel better when you’re sick, if you get married, they can support you and maybe they’ll be able to get you some seriously great benefits from their high paying jobs!
Also, (how have I not mentioned this already?) he is freaking beautiful. Chris Hemsworth played Thor in the movie adaptation and well…
Mhmm….
He is seriously good looking and he has a cape.
So, the totals are:
Good:
1. Handsome
2. Doctor Alter-Ego
3. Crazy cool Viking powers
Bad:
1. Dude be full of himself
2. If only his table manners were as good as his hair…
Even though he’s not the God of Pie charts, I’m sure he would still approve…
Up next, we have Lord of the Fish: Aquaman!
And to be completely honest.... we found Aquaman.... not all that dateable.....
To quote Raj Koothrappali from The Big Bang Theory: "I don't want to be Aquaman! He sucks! He sucks underwater! He sucks fish pee!"
As much as I hate to admit it, how Aquaman became Aquaman, according to the original story, is actually pretty cool. His father was a brilliant scientist who stumbled upon the lost city of Atlantis, and holed himself up in the palace in an air tight container and studied the devices and culture of the lost civilization. He then taught his young son the secret lost arts of Atlantis. Separating oxygen from the water, swimming super fast and talking to the sea life... so he became Aquaman from learning and science.... kinda legit. This means he must actually be pretty brilliant if he LEARNED how to do it...
As much as I hate to admit it, how Aquaman became Aquaman, according to the original story, is actually pretty cool. His father was a brilliant scientist who stumbled upon the lost city of Atlantis, and holed himself up in the palace in an air tight container and studied the devices and culture of the lost civilization. He then taught his young son the secret lost arts of Atlantis. Separating oxygen from the water, swimming super fast and talking to the sea life... so he became Aquaman from learning and science.... kinda legit. This means he must actually be pretty brilliant if he LEARNED how to do it...
They haven’t made a movie out of Aquaman, however they HAVE tried to make a TV series. And it didn't make it past the pilot. So it's a fair assumption that it wasn't that good. I guess we can assume Aquaman was attractive… I mean the guy who played him in the pilot was pretty handsome:
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Does Aquaman have gills? At first, yes. Then...maybe? Are gills attractive? Only if you want them to be...
From what I’ve gathered, however, all Aquaman can do is like... call fish to do his bidding... Which could be cool... make some mackerels attack you...
We would also like to point out that Aquaman is known as a sucky superhero. Like, there are MULTIPLE Facebook pages dedicated to the suckiness of Aquaman. It probably has to do with how as part of the Super Friends, he either watched the fort, or was kidnapped for most of the time... because everyone else had powers usable outside of water... so he just pretty much... chilled at the headquarters... So I guess that means he really is kind of useless in land/space fights. Unless he starts poking people with his trident...
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Does Aquaman have gills? At first, yes. Then...maybe? Are gills attractive? Only if you want them to be...
Hey, Baby....
Also, what is up with his choice of costume? He kinda looks like a carrot. I get the "goldfish scale" orange top part, but his green tights along with that.... not so much... so he really needs some help with fashion sense... maybe you could help a brother out!
From what I’ve gathered, however, all Aquaman can do is like... call fish to do his bidding... Which could be cool... make some mackerels attack you...
Except when it's piranhas.... that would be freaking scary... (word to the wise: do NOT google piranha attack....) So breathing underwater, talking with fish, and swimming really fast...he also uses a trident sometimes... he probably uses that to poke things with....
Those sexy fish powers in action…
We would also like to point out that Aquaman is known as a sucky superhero. Like, there are MULTIPLE Facebook pages dedicated to the suckiness of Aquaman. It probably has to do with how as part of the Super Friends, he either watched the fort, or was kidnapped for most of the time... because everyone else had powers usable outside of water... so he just pretty much... chilled at the headquarters... So I guess that means he really is kind of useless in land/space fights. Unless he starts poking people with his trident...
He lives underwater so you would only be able to see him A) when he decides to stop by land, and B) when you go scuba diving….or if you can hold your breath for a really long time… Along with that that downside, he will definitely pick his ocean kingdom over you. Sucks, right? With great fish powers comes great fish responsibilities... and that means that his ocean kingdom must come first. So he's probably busy with like... oil spills... melting glaciers.... shark and whale conflict resolution... all the really important stuff...
Although, he does have a sweet ride...
So to sum it all up:
Good:
1. kinda brilliant
2. supposedly handsome
3. sweet ride
4. Pretty strong/ good swimmer
Bad:
1. suck powers
2. lives underwater (and you can't)
3. super busy with... fish king stuff...
4. Weird Costume
5. mostly useless in battle out of water
Things we won't hold against you (unless you want us to *wink*):
1.Possible Gills?
3.14% of sailors are PI-rates..... haha...yeah... math joke.... here's the freaking pie chart....
We've heard a lot about how the new Aquaman is getting awesome or something...well...we'll always remember him as Suck-quaman in our hearts....
Until Next Time On the Dateable Blog! Don't forget to be awesome!!
